We all have them

     We all have them...chocolate, salty things, sweets, t.v., money...when it's that time of the month...anything and everything!  The question is: Where do those cravings come from?
     I have wondered that same thing for a long time...and why we have them.  I did a devotion about 2 months ago entitled Craving God.  In this book it talks about this exact thing and mostly relates it to food but I believe it can apply to any aspect of life that you "crave."
     The definition of crave is this: to ask for earnestly or to long for eagerly.  When we crave things, whatever it may be, it is a really strong indication that we are missing something and our body or spirit needs to be filled.  We fill it at the time and the next day or hour even, the craving comes back and the whole cycle repeats itself.  I used to have cravings for a lot of things..food, facebook, people, money--anything that I thought would make those go away.  Well, what if, we are actually craving God and HIS word? 
       When I started doing a daily bible study and started filling myself with God and his word my cravings for a lot of those things went away.  I think cravings are God's way of trying to get our attention.  I used a lot of my "cravings" as ways to not make me feel so lonely or to get a few minutes of adult interaction.  What I found is now God is my company, every day, all day.  He is the best interaction I could have!  I still have the desire to watch t.v., hang out with friends or have the occasional junk food but now it's not because I am lonely it's because I just choose to do those things.  God and HIS word are my fulfillment these days:)
    

Lesson: God is ALL we need to feel fulfilled.  Cravings do not come from God, they come from a place of lonliness and longing for something that only HE can fulfill.

Psalm 20:1-5- May the Lord answer you when you are in distress; may the name of the God of Jacob protect you.  May he send you help from the sanctuary and grant you support from Zion.  May he remember all your sacrifices and accept your burnt offerings.  May he give you the desire of your heart and make all your plans succeed.  We will shout for joy when you are victorious and will lift up our banners in the name of our God.  May the Lord grant all your requests.
    

No Excuses!

     I decided to write from a coffee shop today.  I am having lunch and sitting in the sun and enjoying probably what is going to be few and far in between.  It's a gorgeous fall day...I have never enjoyed fall more!       Does this sound familiar: I don't have time, I am too scared, That is too hard, That is out of my comfort zone, I don't feel like it...etc. etc.
     We all make excuses for things that we don't want to do.  Or we decide because it is a challenge not to even try.  I was teaching my dance classes last night and I decided to teach my dancers the word perseverance...Try and try and never give up. 
     Is that what God wants us to do?  Is too give up when things get too hard and challenging?  We use excuses like they are some cure for a disease.  If God challenges us at something then that means we can handle it and all we have to ask for is boldness and confidence from him to complete whatever he needs from us.  What if the next thing he has for you(even if it's a challenge) could lead you to your dream job, but you decide it's too difficult and challenging to even try.  God wants to give us what we want but we have to be willing to step out of our comfort zone and trust him!  We also have to quit making excuses like we know ourselves better than God...there is no one in this world that knows us better!

That's it for today!  Try going one day wihout making an excuse and just being honest with yourself as to why you decided not to try something.  See what happens!

Just Imagine!

Close your eyes for a minute: imagine you are a baby!  You see your parents fighting, you get into a bad car accident and your not in a carseat, and evuantually your even maybe thrown out into a snow bank.  Some of you had a time seeing that!  Well, guess what?  My daughter lived that!
     My beautiful princess was taken from her birth mom at 6 months old and placed in a foster home with her mom(as her mom was underage as well).  The foster mom tried working with her birthmom but because her mom was a teenager she basically had a very hard time even taking resposibility for Silena.  Due to this Silena was moved again...don't lose count...this is move #2.  And for some reason it worked out for 5-6 months and then she was moved again...move #3.  The "Godwink" about where she was in the third house...was this house is a block away from where we live!  The summer before she came with us her foster parents actually attended our church and Silena's godparents were friends with them.  Well, you guessed it, she only made it in this home 5-6 months as well...move #4!  The house she was in before us was excellent they took such good care of her, but because of their age they were ready to retire and not take care of a baby. 
     In the summer of 2007 our princess came to live with us! It has been a very hard road...times where she would literally throw tantrums ALL day long.  As soon as she was done with one she would start another one.  Craig and I had enough child experience to know that something wasn't right...so we took her to a child psychologist.  During these visits she was diagnosed as gifted!  That meant that not only did we have normal 2-3 year old behavior, attachment and adoption isssues, but now we had the fact that she is very smart!  Awesome!  But God knows...
     The behavior that we have seen I have NEVER seen in a child or experienced with any other child.  She had so much anger built up that the only way she knew to express it was through action instead of words.  She has destroyed her room a many times, I have been peed on, scratched, spit at, hit, pushed and kicked numerous times.  Many days where I questioned and asked God if he really knew what he as doing! 
      I am not telling you this to get sympathy or for you to think Silena is a bad kid.  She loves helping others, she is prayer warrior, and she has a huge heart!  I am talking about this because I want people to realize what foster kids go through and how far they can come.  She still has work to do but I am proud of how God has guided us in helping her to overcome what has happened so far. 


Lesson: God gives us kids not only for us to teach and guide, but uses our kids to help HIM mold and shape us into better people as well!

God's Plan Not Ours

     I have had many dreams in my lifetime which have been accomplished: going to college, being in the Nutcracker, getting married, having my own house, becoming a teacher and adoption.  However, there is one dream that has yet to be accomplished...can anyone guess?????
     From the time I was little I have wanted to have my own biological children.  The process of pregnancy, labor and babies have fascinated me since I can remember.  I know those of you that have had children, given birth and been pregnant are probably thinking: it's really no big deal, you don't want it, and you have such a gorgeous body why would you want to ruin that!  Well, after you have waited 7 years then you will understand why I want it so bad.    The only thing I remember the day I got married besides the fact that I got to live with Craig for the rest of my life was this, now I can have babies whenever I want!
     Craig and I waited about 8 months after we were married to start trying.  We tried for about a year and a half and realized that being a young healthy couple there is no way it should have taken us this long.  Well, after many doctor appointments the results were in...Craig had no sperm.  What a shock for us.  After sitting with that news for a couple weeks we looked into adoption and foster care.  Foster care won out because of the costs of adoption...that's how we ended up with Silena:)
     Around 5 months ago we met this natural hormone replacement doctor who heard our story and said he could help us by just boosting Craig's hormones.  Can you imagine the excitement we felt as we told our friends and family?  Now imagine the feeling of telling everybody...and many people thinking we were crazy for thinking it would work...and then not being pregnant yet! 
     This is a very hard place to be in!  While every other women in my church is pregnant or have had a baby...it is a very lonely place.  I know no one has meant to do it or say things but there have been points where I have gotten dirty looks, felt left out, and actually heard that some women have felt they couldn't relate to me because I have never had a newborn.  Seriously?  As a church body aren't we supposed to support each other and not leave people out because their christian walk isn't exactly like ours?

Lesson:  I think that people forget as christians that we are here to follow God's plan!  I have not been on birth control in 6 years...this was NOT our plan.  As a follower of Christ it is our job to lean not on our own understanding, and to know that God will make this happen because he does it for other people...why wouldn't he do it for me?

Jer. 29:11- For I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord, plans to prosper you not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
    

A Very Hard Decision!

     I had decided when I was young I wanted to be a teacher.  In a book called "School Years" that my mom kept for my brother and I, every year it would ask the question: "What do you want to be when you grow up?" My answer always, year to year, switched between a dancer and a teacher. 
     When I was a senior in high school it didn't surprise my parents when I told them I wanted to major in elementary education.  But the thing was I also wanted to minor in dance and not many schools in the state offer that combination.  I had about three to choose from: Stevens Point, Whitewater, and Milwaukee.  Well, of course, being 17 my hometown college was OUT (but like any decent parents...mine pushed for that)!  I had several people I knew that were down in Milwaukee and so that was my first choice.  I applied to both Whitewater and Milwaukee and got into both, but for some reason my heart kept leaning toward Milwaukee.  I started my paperwork and signed up for classes and dorms.  By the time move in day approached all the people that I thought were going to be down in Milwaukee were not going to be there anymore.  Oh, well, I thought good time to be on my own!
     I had a fantastic time in Milwaukee and within about 2 months I had changed my major to Dance!  It was then I decided I was going to combine two loves: teaching and dance.  That was my favorite time of college were the years I spent there.  I had made some great and trustworthy friends and had great experiences.  After my freshman year I came home that summer and fell in love(I know, cliche).  My sophomore year got harder because I was missing Craig so much and just felt we were supposed to be together.  I came home for Thanksgiving and went to church.  I don't think I have ever felt a tugging in my heart as much as I did that day, I felt I was too leave Milwaukee and finish my degree up here.  I didn't know why...but that is what I knew I was supposed to do!
     Well, then I had to go back to school and tell my friends!  None, of my friends were christians at the time...a couple believed in God but it didn't go farther than that.  As you can imagine when I told them I was moving home for God...yep, your right...didn't go over real well.  I had learned so much while I was attending school there: independence, freedom, experiences.  My friends were afraid I would forget it all. 
     I continued to stand on what I knew I had to do...I filled out applications, I auditioned for the dance program and prepared to move myself home.  While feeling shuned from my friends. 
     As it turned out the enemy knew I had made the right decision and I DIDNT get into the dance program...I was actually 2nd on the waiting list.  I had auditioned with a girl I grew up dancing with and she got in..but decided not to go!  So that moved me up to 1st on the waiting list...and by the time my sophomore year in Milwaukee ended someone else decided not to pursue dance in Stevens Point.  I started in the dance program in the fall of 2002 and graduated from UWSP in the spring of 2005 with a BA in Dance.
     The summer I moved home a lot of things happened to prove to me I made the right decision: the church I am very involved still opened one month after I moved home, I went on my first missions the summer after, Craig and I got engaged, and the pastor's daughter at the church was a dancer so we started dancing during services.  I wouldn't have been able to be involved in any of this had I stayed in Milwaukee!

Lesson: If God opens a door for you...you have two choices: to walk through it and take a risk or avoid it!

Is. 40: 30-31- Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. 

Mothers Are

     I didn't know what to post for today...but wouldn't you know it...somethings were said over the weekend in my extended family and God gave me exactly what I need to say!
     Mothers are people who fight for their children because they know they are having difficulty in school. 
    Mothers are your number 1 cheerleader. 
    Mothers will sit through 4 performances of the Nutcracker just to make sure you have someone in the audience to watch you. 
    Mothers will admit when they have made mistakes, but proud of you when you overcome those mistakes! 
    Mothers would NEVER disown you, no matter what you have done. 
    Mothers may never forget, but they ALWAYS forgive.
    Mothers would always question rumors about their children before choosing to believe them.
    Mothers are there with you when you get the stomach flu in the middle of the night even when the smell makes them want to vomit themselves.
    Mothers make sure to buy their granddaughter balloons when they are going to be gone for their birthday just to make sure they know they thought about them.
    Mothers  always support their children no matter the decision they make.
    Mothers give their children the best gift of all: the love of Jesus Christ!


This is just something that needed to be said!  I have learned about the things that were said about a very special person in my life.  I am so glad that person chose to overcome and persevere beyond the things that were said.  I love you and am proud to call you my mom!

Pro. 31: 26- She speaks with wisdom, and faithful instruction is on her tongue.
Pro. 31:28-30- Her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her: "Many women do noble things, but you surpass them all." Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.

Family Day!

     Today, is Sunday so that means it is my family day!  I will not be posting anything new today...but look for new stuff this week.  I am really excited what the Lord is having me write, I really like writing.

Take the time to enjoy your day and your family...and don't forget to look for your Godwinks today:)

Talk to you tomorrow!

The Worst Call!

This post is a little late this morning...sorry, I like to sleep in on Saturdays!  I hope you enjoy!

     We had just celebrated our one year anniversary in the same hotel and room we had spent our wedding night in..enjoying the jacuzzi and eating the top layer of our wedding cake.  My husband also planned to take us to a pizza restaurant because that is where we met, at a pizza place!
     Well, a few weeks later I was doing the dishes in the middle of the afternoon when the phone rang.  "Honey, there has been a really bad accident at work and I am in the emergency room."  I threw the dish towel down and ran to my aunts house, she only lives a block away and she drove me to the hospital.  On the way there I called his parents and my aunt and I prayed.
     It took me a few days to fully understand what had happened: Craig and his company were building a storage unit complex.  On this particular day they were putting tresses on, his boss and one coworker were standing on top of the walls and Craig was in the middle of the tresses.  They were about half way done when the crane lifting the next tress snapped and the tress dropped creating a domino effect sending three out of four walls and all the tresses to the ground and guess who came down with the building?  His boss and coworker jumped off as the building collapsed, but because it came down so quick Craig didn't have time to get down.  By the time all was said and done, Craig landed on the bottom of tresses and three walls and on top of a concrete floor!
     We got to the hospital and the doctors said they thought he had a broken leg, a broken back and a broken neck!  I am still in complete shock at this point about what was happening.  So the doctors did around 2-3 hours of testing: mri's, cat scans, blood work, and x-rays.  Then they came back with the diagnosis...what did they find?  NOTHING!  Other than the fact that his blood pressure was obviously very high, they found no broken bones, or internal injuries.  The only thing that was wrong was because of the tremendous amount of pressure that was on his legs he had to walk on crutches until his legs fully recovered.  As we left the hospital that afternoon, hearing my husband scream in pain as the blood rushed back to his legs(because he had laid on a stretcher for 6 hours), I realized what a happy sound that was!  At least my husband was alive to scream!
     As for his boss and coworker...one shattered his foot and the other one fractured his neck!  My husband was on the bottom, of basically, a whole entire building but he ended up with no injuries...coincedence?????


Lesson: That no matter the situation God will always provide the help and protection we need.

Ps. 121:1-2-I lift up my eyes to the hills-where does my help come from?  My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth.

God's Vision for me!

     From the time I can remember I have had a heart for adoption.  Every time there was a show on t.v. about the subject I would be front and center.  I even talked about adoption with Craig before we got married and he said we could adopt but after biological children.  Well, that was our plan!
     After about a year and a half of trying to conceive on our own we decided to go into foster care in hopes of adopting.  Within, two weeks, of starting the classes we found out about a little girl.  This little girl was 18 months old, biracial and was in need of a permanent home. They also said she might have some emotional issues because of her birth family.  That's okay we said, God can take care of that.
     I have had visions of what I wanted to happen in my life since I was a little girl.  I wanted to go to college: graduated with a B.A. in 2005, I wanted to be married and have our first kid by the time I was 25: got married at 21 and we got our daughter when I was 24.  I wanted to be in the Nutcracker: my first performance was December of 1997.  There was also another significant vision that I can remember: I wanted a biracial little girl, I wanted to adopt and I wanted to save a child's life.  But I certainly didn't know how I was going to do all that! 
     After the county looked at 10 different homes in the state that were qualified they decided because we DIDN'T have any other children then we could give Silena the time and attention that she needed.  The thing is...counties don't look at people who don't have a foster license.  We were only 2 weeks into a 4 week class.  Coincedence?????
The first full weekend we had her for visitation was mother's day and the first official weekend she moved in was father's day.  And between those visits she would cry every time she had to leave.  I knew in my heart what it was doing to her and I could do nothing...but be patient.
We were told by the county: only refer to her as your foster daughter, don't get attached(too late)..this is a high risk placement.  Which means they still had the choice to move her, however, our gut said she was ours.  So we very quickly taught her that we were mama and daddy!
It took until the end of September to finalize termination of right with her birthparents.  At this time she became in the legal custody of the state, however, we then got to proceed with adoption paperwork. 
Silena Alexandra became our legal and precious daughter on December 20, 2007!  And she just turned 6..it's so hard to believe that she has grown this much.  I am in complete awe at the work God has done in her:)

Lesson: God always gives you the desires of your heart, just in his perfect timing!

Psalm 37:4- Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart.



P.S. The other vision I have had since I was a child was giving birth to twins...uh oh!

Godwinks

This past weekend was hard for my family and I as we lost someone pretty awesome. 
"Godwinks" as Squire Rushnell calls them in his book When God winks at you, are little coincidences or winks from God, letting you know He is there with you. 
I got the news on Thursday afternoon that my grandma (mom's stepmom), had a brain aneryism the weekend before and things were not looking good.  My mom called and said she leaving Friday morning to drive to Indiana to see her, and she was giving me the option of going.  I was so mad...How dare my grandma not see me for 7 years and the first time I get to see her is on her death bed!  I was furious.  Then my husband came home...
He talked to me and basically told me I would highly regret it if I didn't go.  So I prayed that God would give me a "wink" to let me know he was there.  We get to South Bend, Indiana about 4 pm and the nurse comes in and says they were going to pull life support about 6pm.  Boy, I'm glad I came, is my first thought.  Shortly after this my aunt informs us that my grandma was very much ready to leave this earth.  She had fought cancer twice and a stroke shortly before the anerysm.  She had talked to my grandma some weeks before and my grandma had told her that she made her peace with God.  Now, I am not naive, I know that can mean any number of things but to me that is something I needed to hear.  Something that told me I would see her again! 
The next "wink" I got was that my aunt then told us that my grandpa's memory was going bad and he was having a lot of trouble remembering people and things.  Well, not when I was there!  He remembered the fact that my dad is a captain for a commercial airline, he asked how my husband was doing by name, he asked if I was still dancing, asked about my daughter and remembered the fact she was adopted and last...he remembered it was my mom's birthday! 
My grandma passed away about 9:45pm Friday night...within 10 minutes of getting her wedding and cut off and went to see Jesus!
On the way back to my mom's mom's house my aunt had told me that "don't be surprised if next time grandpa doesn't remember anything!"  My only thought was that I was not going to let her take my 2 moments from me that I needed at that time.
Here's the lesson: Don't let someone else take your "Godwink" moment.  If you feel God has given you what you asked for then stand on it and don't let the enemy steal it from you! 

James 4:7-Submit yourselves, then to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you!

Look for a Godwink today!

Lessons...

I started this blog months ago, but as I was doing it my heart wasn't in it and I just felt I wasn't giving it enough.  So I stopped!  About a month ago I was writing in my journal and just felt God put on my heart that I was supposed to share the lessons he has taught me.  I said okay but how? Then once Silena started school, and I actually could my own thoughts, I heard him say I needed to write.  And again I said okay how and where?  I felt like he kind of gave me a "duh!" 
So I am going to start posting (as often as I can)  the lessons he has taught me and how I have grown because of them.  I am calling them coffee devotions...as you should be able to read them by the time you are done drinking a cup of coffee.  

Look for the first one tomorrow morning:)